


Presume Not, That I am the Thing I Was

by I_was_here_once



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Add more tags as this goes on, Friendship, Journal, Multi, PTSD, Poor Health, Poor Social Skills, Stream of Consciousness, Swords, and all that goes with it, bad grammar, bit of a loner these days, education doesn't help when you're tired, frustrated with the world, gratuitous errors, mage inquisitor, not everyone can have a staff, regular stress, tenses change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:00:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21589582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_was_here_once/pseuds/I_was_here_once
Summary: Mages don't have legacies in flesh and blood,  so they learn to leave them in ink and paper.or,The history of Emory Trevelyan in her own words.
Relationships: Female Trevelyan & Varric Tethras, Solas/Female Trevelyan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. The First Week- Tired, Cold, and Terse

**Written on a small scrap of paper:**

_Paper scarce. Conclave failed, temple destroyed. Still alive._

**Written on some hastily rolled together pieces of waterlogged paper:**

Wintermarch 4, 9:40 Dragon

Still alive. Have new companions. Met my first dwarf. Met an apostate who claims never to been in a circle. Cold, tired, hungry. There isn’t a lot of paper. Lost previous journal.

Wintermarch 5

Less hungry. More tired. Always cold. Josephine had some old scrap paper, so I am not in as dire straits. I have clean clothes. I have been invited to join? An inquisition. ~~Or I have been press ganged.~~ Doesn’t matter now. They are giving me a few days to heal and to hear back from some scouts.

Believe the apostate. He was concerned about my hands shaking. Half of everyone who has been harrowed has the tremors. Lyrium use can make it worse. I never met a mage who didn’t know. Apostate was _concerned._ I don’t remember the last time someone was concerned about me. Has happened twice. Varric asked how I was doing. Not sure how to handle influx of well wishes. Must be due to the rumors of the connection to Andraste. Still, must remember to return the kindness.

Wintermarch 6

Didn’t sleep again last night. Several Templars about. No word on my brothers. The mages are sticking to the northeast section of camp, but they won’t speak to me ~~directly,~~ like a mage. I have mostly been left alone and have explored. I found an old cabin with notes on potions, gave them to Adan. Reminds me of the Tower. Asked about a sleeping drought. Adan shrugged and handed me alcohol.

I gave it to Varric.

I need to find a dog. This is Ferelden.

Wintermarch 7

No luck on the dog. Fell asleep outside the walls though. I climbed on top of the blacksmith’s hut and conked out. Was woken up by Cullen. I might have gotten a few hours though. I feel slightly better, but could probably sleep some more. I have new clothes, but I am still cold. Grumpy when I woke up. Went to see Varric. He took one look at me and sent me to sleep in his tent. Slept like the dead.

Wintermarch 8

Feel much better today. I went to speak to Cassandra about the plans to go to the Hinterlands. I got my sword back. It feels heavier. She put me through soldier’s paces. She did not like my skill level. She did like my sword. I ate with her at the bar. Solas joined us. He spoke easily of the fade. I must get used to him, I suppose. He is kind, and that is more important than my discomfort. I asked a few questions about his work. He seemed pleased. Even Cassandra seemed interested in some of his knowledge. Solas asked to speak to me. I agreed and we went for a walk. He asked questions about Tower Life. I answered best I could. He told me he had been asked to do a physical on me.

“By who?” I was startled by the question.

“Cullen brought up a concern that I myself have noticed. Leliana and Cassandra agreed.” Solas looked sanguine with the topic. “Your heart, it beats very quickly. Your hands shake. You seem undernourished. You are jumpy and forgetful. Individually, these could be dismissed, but together, the symptoms are worrying. Commander Cullen was concerned that you fell asleep in the middle of a cold day.”

“I do not sleep easily since I left Ostwick.” I replied.

“I can help with that, if you will allow some work of magic to be put on you.”

“I have no issue with magic.” I was surprised that needed to be stated.

Solas arranged for me to go see him the next day, but left in short order. I wandered a bit before finding Master Tethras again. He let me bother him with questions for a good long while. It was a good day. 

Wintermarch 9

Haven did not know I was a mage. It was a tiring day. Solas is putting me to sleep in a moment.

Wintermarch 10

Due to Solas’ physical, I am now required to have snacks with me. I am also dressed in warmer clothing. I am not alone as much as I used to be. There is always someone in arms reach. The trip to the Hinterlands will not be postponed, but it took an argument to decide. Still no dog, I have to take several potions now. Lady Montilyet says she will get me a proper journal. 

.


	2. Week Two- Hinterlands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting new people

_Written in a plain leather journal, the symbol of Ostwick on the cover._

Account of Emory Trevelyan, 9:40- Dragon

Wintersend 12

Things are easier now. It is easier to focus, easier to remember. What was once like trying to hold water, is now like holding a bag of coins. Memory easily counted. I did not realize how much pain I was in. The food and the potions seem to help. Hopefully, I can leave a better account.

We have been walking to the Hinterlands. We left with 40 people, and though we have been leaving people to set up camps and waystations, we now have 50 people in the group. The word of the Inquisition has spread.

In all honesty, being disavowed by the Chantry has helped our cause as far as fighting men go. A merchant who has been cheated once too often by the Templars. A traveling mercenary who came home one day to find her son has been taken for magic. Several elves who left Orlais at just the right time. There are a few Templars who have joined to get a hold of lyrium. I asked them for news of the Trevelyan Templars. There have been vague rumors, but nothing concrete. As far as I know they are still alive, along with the company they keep.

The Commander went over the best way to work within the Hinterlands, and requested I set up camps in the Hinterlands, before I attempted to close Rifts. If anything goes wrong, he explained, I needed to be able to have somewhere to recover, as will the people with me. So far, the to do list is:

  * Meet scouts at an established Camp
  * Talk to the Reverend Mother
  * Create camps
  * Close rifts



I never appreciated my younger brother’s ability to make a conversation until I was with

my current traveling companions. I would be bored to death without Varric’s stories. If it did not irritate Cassandra so much to hear him talk, I would ask for more stories. Cassandra is not kind, exactly. Fair. She is fair. She lets of grudges and mistakes easily. She has also been patiently teaching me how to set up camp and how to organize men, though she claims Cullen will be a more in depth teacher. Solas is like those new apprentices in the circle. The ones who have been hiding for a while, but who have just discovered they can learn anything they want to now. Solas goes from person to person, talks to everyone and asks questions. Most of what I know about the group I am with comes from him.

I am very sore, but content.

Wintersend13

A camp on the outskirts of the Crossroads has been established and is lead by a very dedicated dwarf named Lace Harding. We arrived mid-morning, and did not even stop to eat, before we were accosted by more things that needed to be accomplished. I gave a few of the teenagers the job of helping the requisition agent.

However, we needed to take care of the Crossroads first. There were mages and Templars fighting. I am unsure why there are Templars in the area. Mages can be found almost everywhere, but in this case a lot were circle trained and I was a bit unsure of why they would be in the area as well.

I had Varric, Solas, and Cassandra with me, but I needed a few more archers. The Templars were in heavy armour and wouldn’t move quickly. I also had a few mages at my disposal. I requested several vials of lyrium.

The first thing I needed to do was get everyones attention. Solas said my mana was a bit unstable, but I could do one large spell and then use my sword, _Parma,_ if any more violence occurred.

I pulled a string of electricity from the open air to crack harmlessly in an empty tub of water, allowing the effect of the lightning to create a large thundering _crack._ At the same time, I had Cassandra do a templar call to order, but had Solas amplify the noise.

About half the assorted battle stopped long enough for a few mages to put barriers around the a good half of the remaining group. Those no effected were on the outskirts and found themselves the only ones fighting.

We were able to arrange a ceasefire for four hours.

The rest of the day is a blur, but we were able to arrange for the Mages to be escorted to Orlais, where they can join the loyalists, or to Redcliff, where they can join the rebel mages.

The templars were a bit harder. These men were not used to being useless. Cassandra spoke with them for a bit, but was turned away. I sent Solas and then I sent Varric as I dealt with the mages. They both came back.

I was trying to figure out a way to sneak the mages away, when one of the mages suggested I talk to them.

I tried not to shudder, picked up my sword and walked to a group of the Templars. There were five of them, most of them were from Orlais, but there was one left over from Kirkwall. I asked them if they had enough food and if they were supplied with enough lyrium. The Eldest, a man named Caron, who was balding but still had young looking eyes was able to tell me that they were not as well supplied as they could be. We had a brief discussion on how much was needed, before a younger woman cut me off.

“You think we can be bought with some lyrium?” She asked, angry and frustrated.

“I am not asking anything for it.” I told her, perhaps less honestly, but less of a deceit as well. “My brothers were Templars. I wouldn’t want anyone wo go through lyrium withdraw.”

A group that was edging over came directly over then. A man with a sharp Nevvarian accent came over, his head shaved into a crest. He was shorter than me by a good few inches.

“A mage related to Templars?” He asked. “I would think you would be nobility to claim such a thing. Are your brothers the Trevelyans?”

I nodded. “Have you had word of them? I have not since before the Conclave.”

He looked at me oddly. “Aye, I have. They were working as guards and had been seen near a Grey Warden camp a few months age.”

It was no great news.

His head tilted slightly to the two Templars on his left.

“They’ve been ten days without. I’ll vouch for you, if you can get them lyrium. Perhaps we can have a discussion.”

The rest of the day was spent distributing lyrium and finding workable shelter for the mages. Reverend Mother was unable to meet with me. Will be exploring the Hinterlands. 

Wintersend 14

Closed four rifts. Tired. Took nap on Cassandra. Templar/Mage relations devolved. Now facing problems with two camps. Will write more tomorrow.

Wintersend 16

UUUUUUGGGGGHHHH. Lied, couldn’t write till today. Rifts, sent word to Commander Cullen about horses. Varric is pulling strings to get merchant deals to the Hinterlands. Solas has had his hands full with the healing. Everyone is tense. Cassandra is not handling the templar rebellion well. I want alcohol now. I hurt. I need to expend some mana. Been using the sword instead of magic. Killed a dragon, armor destroyed. Unfortunately kept out of Redcliff, staying in camp in order to rest and wait to see if armor can be procured. Sword has miraculously survived a dragon, but is badly used. Solas needs a new staff. Varric’s bow is the only weapon still in good working order. Lost two scouts to the dragon, Harding is to inform the families.

Wintersend 17

Slept. Was bored. Varric gave me books to read. They are good. Solas and I tried to speak on magic. We apparently have some vocabulary differences. I am concerned he thinks I am dumb. Still, none of my business what he thinks unless he makes it my business. Cassandra found me reading and sat me down with paperwork. Went over how supplies are moved through hostile areas. Met some more people. Two mages came up hoping for some shelter. Both were from the White Spire. It was a mess. Solas tried talking to them as well. I would think he was making some of this stuff up if I hadn’t just taken down a dragon with him, but it seems to be an issue of different style teachings. I don’t think he is actually self-taught, too many terms I think are technical. Not particularly bothered, I would not give up my teacher if I were an apostate that escaped the circle for decades.

Varric and Cassandra cornered me for a lesson in economics. Very tired. Very restless. Bad mood all day.

Wintersend 18

Manic. So happy to be out and about with the sunshine and new armor and the not sitting still. Cassandra had me start another camp. She hovered while I delegated. I think she approved. I am unsure. However, apparently micromanaged. Varric and Cassandra didn’t say anything, but the soldier was glaring at me.

I got to chat with people. It was fun. No rifts. Varric suggested I go and pick some elfroot. I wandered a bit far and got cornered by some templars. Took care of them, one of them had some very strange things in her pockets. Was able to find some prophet’s laurel. It was a nice day.

Wintersend 19

Still in a good mood. Sat down with Solas and argued to figure out vocabulary. Set nothing on fire. Varric took notes. Cassandra looked concerned. BUT! I figured out what he was talking about. He seems to have a harder relationship with the Veil and I told him so. He was taking the long way around to do things that could be done with much less effort. He asked for a demonstration. We threw fireballs at each other in an empty field. I showed him my trick with the lightning. He made good suggestions on how to use it in other ways, I can now create ice and fire in the same hand with minimal effort, and he showed me how to take advantage of otherwise wasted mana. We talked about staves. I said I wasn’t comfortable using one since the fall of Ostwick. 

We discussed families. Solas is keeping his secret. Cassandra and Varric have lost a brother. I miss my brothers and still want a dog.

Lots of walking. Lots of talking. No lessons on economics or battlefield logistics. It may not stay this way but I am grateful for the break. I wish there were things you could do while walking. I am too easily bored, and I worry I will bother my companions if we do not have enough to speak of. We spoke to several different groups of Templars and mages. Some chose to join the inquisition, some fought us, but most were willing to go back to the respective Lord Seeker, or one of the two Grand Enchanters. I have a new scar on my face. I was told by Solas to wait next time and he could heal it without scarring. Unsure why it matters. Varric supported Sola, though- I may be missing something. Cassandra just rolled her eyes. Am tired, will head back to Outskirts camp tomorrow. Reverend Mother might be available. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Varric would probably have some annotations to this.


End file.
